February 26, 2014
In one of my latest blogs, (Today Do This...) I discuss a favorite piece of advice quoted from a celebrity; “always be
kind.” I noted that being kind was easy to do. Another topic I touch on in my blogs
is worry. Something else that is also easy to do. And also very relatable.
Everyone does it, but how good are we at keeping it in the background versus the
foreground? Especially once we have children. The first child born commences
more than enough worry from both parents, but you come to find as time passes that
all your worrying wasn't necessary. Those horrible worries never transpired for
many of us. You worry most about accidents and injury and health problems. In
your past life, a friend’s child with a cold was just a child with a runny
nose. Once you have your own child, a cold will surely turn into pneumonia or
bronchitis. You’ll check on them to make sure they are able to breathe through the
night. You’ll feel their chest to ensure it rises and falls with each breath.
You’ll feel their tiny head to make sure they are warm with life. If they live
through the first part of their life, you will then worry about what friends
they will choose, what activities they will become involved in, how they behave in
school, will they lie, steal, do drugs?
When my son was 14, he had asked me if he could see a movie that I felt
he was too young for. He really wanted this but my answer was always no. In one of his last attempts at trying to convince me that I should trust him, he explained that it wasn't as if he was a
drug addicted teenager or binge drinker. And how I should be thankful
for who he was. (And I was.) But I told him that he also had to think about who
his parents were, and it contributed greatly to who he was. And that my
decisions were always based on my concern and care for him. He lost the
argument and didn't get to see the movie. But one year later, he had been talking with his friends about planning a trip to Busch Gardens that summer without parents. He asked me if I would
allow him to go if they all decided to do it. It took me only a few seconds. I
knew a normal response would be,”no, you’re too young.” But that was a normal
response, and it would be cheating him of my genuine thoughts. I searched in my
mind for reasons as to why he couldn’t go and I couldn’t find any. So I simply
said, “yes.” It didn't take him anytime at all to ask, “Why!?” Surely because he
expected a “no.” “Because you’ve never given me any reason to say no.” He and
his friends didn’t end up doing the trip that summer, but we both discovered in
a simple moment that he was trusted in a very big way, making him and me very
proud of him.
So look at yourself. Look at your spouse. Chances are good that your child
will be just like you. Your habits. Your morals. Your personalities. So if you
find yourself worrying that your child might one day become a convict, look at
yourself first. Then realize that if you're not one, it’s very unlikely they will become one. They truly don’t
fall far from the apple tree. If you are proud of the family that you are, it’s
safe to say that you will be proud of them. If you allow your husband to insult you
and talk down to you, don’t be surprised when your son will one day begin doing
it. They are learning as they are growing, including the age where they think that they know everything. If you always support them, and never give up on them,
they will know that they are worthier than what your worries amounted them to. Worry
is wasteful. Contemplation is good. It helps you to consider problems that MAY
arise and how you would handle them if they did. But worry is just stress dressed in a different dress. It gives you no
enjoyment and no steps forward. So let your child make those steps forward. Don’t
worry about the falls and the hurts and the hurdles, because they are all
supposed to happen. It will make them stronger.
~~Katherine A. Rayne~~
www.backtobeingawoman.com
